My Writings. My Thoughts.
Pubes
// August 25th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized
Lets talk Pubes! My best friend and I were discussing the generation gap that seems to still exist in America’ regarding how much is to much. For instance, a bush that is over grown in ur yard needs to be cut back, right? Why would u not give your vagina or cock and balls the same respect you would give ur garden? Granted, I’m sure there are a lot of woman and men who don’t give a fuck about their garden at home. But this is a very important message! So Pay attention and never neglect your garden from the sunlight it needs!!
Who likes pubes anymore? I mean unless your stuck in the 80′s or to old or fat to play with it anymore….pubes should be none existent or at least trimmed to perfection! Men this goes for you also! Don’t think I’m speaking to just the female population here! Men should always man-scape their bushes… No one likes those run away pubes! If you cant see your balls or the base of ur cock due to pubes clogging up the area, its time to address that shit!! Please dont shave it bald… I think that is horrible! Hair represents age in my book, so if a man is smooth as a baby’s ass something is horribly wrong there! Keep it age appropriate!
Woman, that goes for you also. If you cant see whats going on down there.. Bust out the trimmers, scissors or rototiller and get to whacking! Your bush will thank you later trust me. If for some reason you are unsure about joining the bush trimming band wagon I have some ideas what might help you get on board. #1 Make it fun: try different designs. For instance, make a stencil of different shapes and sizes. One time it could be a star or next it could be a fucking camel for all i care. I have tried many things… Run way strip, Shapes, Patterns, Animals! My friend did sponge bob square pants… What ever fits ur fancy, try it! Change it up. #2. Use it: Try using it. Go out and share ur new whacked snatch with people. Show random people in bars, or your friends and family… The response will be exciting, trust me! lol They will also be very appreciative you didn’t share a weed infested Va-jay-jay! Treat your landscape as if people are going to randomly show to marvel at your beautiful bush!
This is a great quote from my Best friend: Remember pubes are the leading cause of celibacy in America. DONT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!
I’m BHines and I approve this message!
Popularity: 5% [?]
Random Email I recieved!
// August 25th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized
Something funny I read today and wanted to share with you all: Author Unknown! 
Did you know: * That the words “race car” spelled backward still spells “race car”. * That “eat” is the only word that if you take the 1st letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense “ate”. * And have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in “illegal
immigrants”, and add just a few more letters, …..it spells out: “Go
home you fucking, free-loading, benefit grabbing, kid-producing,
violent, non-English speaking assholes and take those other hairy-faced,
sandal wearing, bomb making, goat loving, raggedy ass Muslim bastards
with you.” How weird is that????
Popularity: 5% [?]
How to Die!
// August 10th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized
I have recently had many dreams of death and or dying at a young age. Which got me thinking about how would I like to die, if I could choose. Or better yet which would suck the most….. What would be the worse way and best way to pass on. I mean, we all have to do it one day! How Rad would it be to be able to choose. I have come up with many scenarios but i figured fuck it, lets ask around!
I wrote a post of FaceFuck (Facebook) and asked this simple question.. Seemed simple at the time! I have got a couple responses: One being “I would hate to die from a wood chipper still coherent while being placed in!” I must agree to that… That would fucking suck! “Burning alive”… Um for sure! “Falling from extreme heights” – that one wouldn’t bother me as much! U would get a great view prior to impact and if u think about it, the impact would be so fast u probably wouldn’t feel every bone breaking ! One gentleman wrote “have you seen the movie Hellraiser, that’s all i have to say” – I have never seen that film, but by the sounds of the title and the google search I did, I would have to agree that nothing that came from that movie looks good for death!
Now for what is the best way to die: Here are some things I have thought up…. #1. Sex- I wouldnt mind being railed to death! Have a heartatack while having the best sex of ur life. See ,there is the main point to that statment, If it isnt good or the BEST sex, it aint worth death! So I should rephrase that… #1 The BEST sex ever! #2. Eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked ice cream watching anchor man while smoking a blunt! - Who would pass that up? U would die with the biggest smile on your face… Full, fat, happy, and stoned!
Here are some of the responses I received via Facefuck: #1. “Best: In full knowledge that you are dying and knowing that you have lived a life which created value”. – UM, I’m concerned here.. this means u could be Burning alive but still have the thoughts that i lived a good life….. That doesn’t make it ok with me! This comment also seems rather silly and pointless. No matter what, I know I have lived a life which created value…. Um have u read my blog! There is enough value in that lol!! But on a serious note, I don’t know if this is enough for me! I need satisfaction when I die, and I don’t mean just mental! I need physical satisfaction. Like while I’m dying I look down and see my Perky tits and say to myself,
“Fuck at least my tits are HOT for my open casket funeral”… that is satisfaction! NEXT!!!! #2. “Worst: ignorant, cause you can’t use what ya ain’t got 
” – If You die ignorant people, Ur to stupid to even know ur ignorant. So really this doesn’t apply . Only intelligent people are worried about dying dumb. Also if your reading this, Ur fucking so smart anyways so no need to worry about dying ignorant. I can see how stupidity scares people, I see people all the time and think to my self .. “Fuck, to be that stupid would suck”. But if you REALLY think about it, stupid people are the most happy people. Explain that one!!
I have saved the best for last: This was writen by my very liberal best friend, which I love but want to smack on a regular basis. Her response is as follows and comes in as #3: “I have this book called “Over The Edge: Death In Grand Canyon” which documents all the known fatalities there. And it’s pretty much a detailed catalog of every single most horrible death I could ever imagine. Like falling off a 1,000 foot c…liff.
I guess it could be worse if I were falling off a 1,000 foot cliff while a raptor was eating my face while I was on fire and along the entire cliff was a giant mural of Sarah Palin which I had to look at the entire time I plummeted to my screaming burny death. And if I were pushed off the cliff by a meter maid in the first place.” – In my Girlfriends eyes this has to be the worse possible way to die. But to me, minus the fire part it sounds ok! U get a great view, I don’t mind Sarah Palin at all. Hopefully she is wearing her camo outfit holding a shot gun! The raptor eating my face doesn’t sound like much fun but i could get use to that! lol . I think the fire is the least appealing here.. Specially while falling making it much hotter! My perky tits would be gone due to flame! That is no fun!
After my girlfriend wrote this post I had to comment back saying I was going to wear a Sarah Palin shirt I bought from Value Village to her funeral and lay it in her casket! She added and I quote: “Sarah Palin’s retard kid will probably be working at Value Village by then, so joke’s on her, bitch.”.
I’m BHines and I approve this message!
Popularity: 9% [?]
Why Not?
// July 18th, 2010 // No Comments » // Uncategorized
Today I went on a little drive and found a tree in a wheat field. Had to leave my mark on the tree and take some pics … I have been warned that the Tree hugging Hippies will be pissed. So I thought I would make this post and make it well known: I DONT GIVE A FUCK!! I welcome the tree hugging hippies to comment!
Either way, Enjoy! I encourage everyone to enjoy urself on earth, Put ur mark where u want and show ur kids some day!
For all you people that think I hurt the tree, I probably did! But life isnt pain free!
THE END!
I’m BHines and I approve this Message.
Popularity: 12% [?]
My Rant about sucky stupid bitches!!
// July 18th, 2010 // 5 Comments » // Uncategorized
I have never been much of a bitch’r. If I do, I tend to keep it to myself unless im looking for a rise out of someone.
I have always enjoyed spending my time at cosmic bingo. Recently there has been some crazy drama that has gone down at bingo so I try to stay away from it. I’m sure ur laughing… what kind of crazy shit can go down at bingo? Well, let me tell ya. There is an acquaintance i know, we will call her “Codi”. Codi is engaged and has been for four years now. She meets this guy thru mutual bingo acquaintances, we will call him “Grant”. Well Grant is younger, 30 and Codi is a bit older 40 or 45. Codi and Grant meet and sparks fly. Now I don’t make it to bingo every weekend like, Codi and Grant, so I don’t know much about the bingo soap opera.
Anyhow, seems Codi and Grant have been seeing each other on the side. Everyone at bingo knows and Codi’s Fiance never seems to show his face at bingo or any of the social functions. We recently all went up as a group to a dance club. Seems Codi was getting jealous at Grant looking at other girls. She voiced her jealousy concerns to him regularly for some time.
Weeks pass and I attend bingo again. Excited to see everyone.. when I arrive I can sense there is tension in the air. Not sure what is going on and at this point I really don’t care cuz i was there to have fun, win me some cash and head home. Which is what I did. A couple days after bingo I get a phone call from Codi.. that’s odd, I think to myself. We are just acquaintances, so to hear from Codi is almost a treat. When I answer the phone she is polite as always. I always liked Codi, she seemed like a great woman, funny and always had a smile on her face. She proceeds to speak small talk then she went into asking me questions about Grant. She asked if Grant has ever hit on me, or invited me to coffee. I felt like I had to defend myself and explain, no never. I did explain we are also acquaintances and he seems like a nice enough guy, but no he has never made a pass at me. We talked for some time and I explained I didn’t need to be friends with Grant if she felt better about it. She then said “oh no, no… I want u to be friends. I just wanted to ask you some questions.” In girl code that translates to “Bitch back the fuck off”. Call me crazy but I didn’t catch that at that time. I must be new to this whole girl code thing. She hung up feeling relieved. I on the other hand hung up feeling questioned and a little pissed off. But fuck it, I got over it fast!
Well another week or two go by and I have girl friends that attend bingo with me on and off. At bingo we are kind of split into groups. On one side of the table is Codi and her clan, a little bit older ladies around 35 – 50. They all work for the same company and come as a work/friendship hang out. On the other side of the table is me and my group of friends (ages 25-35). Grant is always kind of positioned in the middle of the table. He is always sitting next to Codi but always likes my antics and seems interested often as to what I have to say. Who knows why!! At this point I think Grant is a great guy. He is not Bad to look at and has a great sense of humor. Strictly platonic of course but I can see myself being Grants friend. I mean I did have permission from his girlfriend, which by the way at this point was still with her fiance’.
Anyhow, weeks go by and I see both Codi and Grant at bingo every weekend I show. I noticed the jealousy problem Codi was having, it sooner or later effected her and Grants relationship. Seems she was still with her fiance and he explained his concern how they aren’t even together. So he broke it off with her. I hear bits and pieces of this story but try not to pay attention much cuz i was there to have fun and win money!
I decide to go the other weekend, I brought my best friend, we will call her Renee and a guy I have known for some time named Lee. We all show up and Lee decides to head to the casino and gamble and Renee and I sit to play bingo with this same group of people. Codi is there, she is sitting directly across from me. To her left is Grant. Renee is to my left directly across from Grant. Break comes in bingo, we get 10 min to run around the casino. Renee and I step outside to smoke, we were out there for some time bullshitting. She has come into town to hang out with me. She is not from here and so we were reminiscing about the old days! We head back into the bingo haul and Renee tells me she is going to use the rest room. I head back to our table and wait for everyone to return. Codi and her best friend show up and sit down..
Here is the best part: Renee comes out of the bathroom and sits down and yells “I hate bitches who talk shit in a bathroom stall without paying attention to who is in the stalls next to u”.. She laughed. I was confused. Codi says “that’s none of ur business”… Renee yells “bitch it is my business because ur talking shit about my best friend”. Now I’m catching on. I asked Renee what the hell was going on here… Renee says that Codi and her best friend were in a bathroom stall together, saying i was there playing footsies with the guy she likes under the table… LMFAO.. Shit I haven’t laughed so hard in my life. Really??? We have dropped ourselves down to this crazy high school shit! I laughed and told Codi, “No offense, if I wanted Grant, I would have him”. No need to go behind her back right? Anyways, I told her to grow up and to be the 45 year old woman that she is. She got upset and yelled a bit… But Renee and I laughed at her and exited the bingo haul! No need to play bingo with trash! I feel we are better than that! what Codi doesn’t know is: I would never waste my time with footsies. That shit is childish and I have more important things to do with a man if I wanted too.
So as we are leaving, Which I am on crutches and I have a boot on my left foot. The foot the crazy bitch thought I was playing footsies under the table with… Which makes me laugh in itself.. Anyhow, She gets up starts running after Renee and I yelling and screaming. So here is the view: Renee and I are now in the casino, walking past the front desk, the slots and now are walking past all the table games. With this crazy bitch running after us yelling for me to stop. Renee cuts her off and says “Hey crazy bitch, walk away, its done!” but no she don’t want to listen (most crazy bitches don’t listen, why is that?) I have thoughts of turning around and hitting her as hard as I can with my crutches…But never do!! Just one of those moments in ur head that make u smile…
At this point all of security is swarming around us.. They are coming from all directions. Renee is holding her back As i crutch away to get to the table game where Lee was playing at. Now that security has stopped her and asked her what is going on, She is yelling over them screaming “Brie, BRIE, BRIE!!! COME BACK!! YOU DONT UNDERSTAND!!” I yelled back, “OH I understand Bitch! Fuck u! ”
I haven’t laughed that hard in a while.. Renee and security took care of Codi and her crazy antics.. But the moral of the story is: I AM A GROWN ASS WOMAN AND DONT WANT PART IN UR PETTY HIGHSCHOOL BULLSHIT!! IF FOR SOME REASON U FEEL THE NEED TO ACT 12, PLEASE EXIT TO THE NEAREST PLAY GROUND, AND FUCK OFF!!!
THE END!!! I’m BHines and I approve this message!
Popularity: 14% [?]
Cosmic Bingo
// April 26th, 2010 // 3 Comments » // Uncategorized
Awe Cosmic Bingo… I heart it….
First thing you will need to do to understand this, is log on to face book and check out cosmic bingo: Swinomish Cosmic Bingo
My girlfriends and I all go to cosmic bingo on Friday and Saturday nights. It is a great place to drink and hang with friends. It cost $11 to play and is a lot of fun.
I have been getting lots of emails asking me about my obsession with Bingo. You have told me ‘Bingo is for old people’, ‘my grandma plays that’, blah blah blah… Let me break this down for ya….
Bingo starts at 1045 pm and ends at 2am. The girls and I all head to town, drink it up and cab it out to the casino for our Friday and Saturday night ritual of cosmic bingo. Here is how it works… U play bingo in the dark with glow in the dark daubers . They play loud dance music and are always asking if you would like more beer or liquor. ”YES PLEASE”….LOL
When you buy your bingo packet your name gets entered into a drawing. In between games they pull peoples name and call you up front. This is where it gets interesting…. For example, Last week my name was called to be the cosmic bingo QUEEN. That’s right, the queen. I got a crown and everything. lol. They asked me to pick a number between 1 and 3. I choose 3 and they started to pull bingo balls. The first ball drawn was I23, then G55 and then my number which was B15. She told me that every time my number (B15) came up during the bingo games I had to stand up and Yell “IM THE COSMIC BINGO QUEEN”. Every Time I did this, I received $10. That night I did happen to also win a bingo game for $100.00. By the end of the night my number (B15) was only called one time…. That never happens… So they felt bad for me and gave me a ‘$25.00 you suck but thanks for playing award’.. lol That night I walked away from bingo $125.00 richer.
This Friday my name was called again, along with three other peoples names. I got paired up with a girl, I didn’t know and we had to do charades. My partner says ‘I am not good a drawing, can you draw?’ What she didn’t know is I am horrible at this game. I always lose!!! lol I cant draw and My brain seems to shut down due to pressure… lol But hell why not… I told her sure, lets do this!!!
The word was “Grand Slam”… First off WTF??? REALLY??? So the first thing I could think of was a grand slam at a BB game. So I start to draw a Baseball field. showing my little stick figures running around the bases. My partner Yells HOME RUN, RUNNING, BASEBALL, everything you can think of but never Grand slam. I stand there lost…. The other team is drawing their hearts out and have yet to come up with it also. I received $50.00 for playing, Another you suck but here is some cash for being a good sport. One of my girl friends recorded the whole experience. She says she will post it on my face book soon. I will copy a link to that video when she gets it up. Here are some pics of our experience… It is a blast… Come down to cosmic bingo and say hi to my girls and I… You might also get a chance to make a fool out of yourself… or just win some cash!! So, stop being a hater and play bingo!!!
BHines OUT!!!
Popularity: 33% [?]
Seattle Barista’s ~
// February 10th, 2010 // 7 Comments » // Uncategorized
This post is because I have been watching the news and it seems they have been broadcasting the same story over and over! Frankly, Im tired of hearing this story on King5 News. Tell me what u think!!!
They have a couple coffee stands randomly placed around the seattle area which serves drive up customers with their favorite expresso drink. To make this experience even better for the customer, the woman wear bikinis or Lingerie. The news report is saying that people are fighting against these select coffee stands. Saying it is wrong or they dont agree with woman demoralizing themselves or their bodies for a $1.
A reporter stopped a woman who drove thru the coffee stand,and asked her what she thought of the stand. Here replay was, and I quote: “i am disgusted by the lack of respect these woman have for themselves and their bodies! I had kids in the car, what kind of example does that set for my girls?” Supposable this woman had never been to this stand before and had no idea it was this “type” of coffee stand!
My thoughts:
Give me a break!!!! First of all, I believe that woman should be able to use their assets for gain! They are not selling sex or blow jobs, they are selling coffee! They are not Nude or spread eagle showing off their new wax job. Second, the woman who was interviewed about her experience was close to 400 lbs. She also commented about the kids she had in the car. I am still pondering why u would pull up to a coffee stand named “Bikini Baristas” with a car load of kids, if u felt this is setting a bad example. Learn to parent your own kids and stop relying on others to do it for u. Funny thing is, there is a sign out front of this drive up coffee stand stating the woman are dressed in bikinis. So she is obviously slow and cant read.
I feel there is nothing wrong with these girls dressing this way and i feel the owner of this business is a smart, smart man or woman! Can u image how much money they make!
NEWS FLASH PEOPLE IN SEATTLE!! IF U DONT WANT TO SEE IT OR BE PART OF IT, DONT GO THERE TO GET UR COFFEE~!! It doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure this out! Also, dont ruin it for the rest of us who like that yummy coffee!!! Final thoughts: PISS OFF IF U DONT LIKE IT!!
Im BHines and I approve this message! 
Popularity: 73% [?]
BHines Vs. Treadmill!
// February 2nd, 2010 // 4 Comments » // Uncategorized
I started the day off by going to the gym. Here is a small summary of that experience.
At the gym I go to, they have all the treadmills in the window facing a busy intersection. Behind those treadmills are another row of machines. Every time I go to the gym, the second row of treadmills are filled with men running or walking. Which means, I am in the front row as the men watch my ass bounce. Mind you, that doesn’t bother me. *wink wink!
So today is like any other day. I’m in the front row while my ass dances for the men behind me! Today one of the regulars found the balls to approach me as I ran. Imagine this, I am on full speed… I am telling my body not to stop, keep going. When this guy comes up and says, “Hey!”.. In his manliest voice. At this time I am sweating, feeling like death could be approaching soon.. due to the lack of oxygen entering my body, my Ipod is blaring punk music, and I’m in a mental trance trying to maintain my footing.
Right, well… I don’t want to stop running, So I pull the right ear bud out of my ear and try to breath the words “Hi”.
He tells me his name is Ryan and he asked how long I have been going to this gym? This is a funny question to me, cuz every time I’m at the gym, I see him. He knows I have been attending this gym for sometime. I realize he just wants to make small talk.
I go to respond with ‘about a year’, when all of sudden the mental trance I spoke of earlier… broke. I almost ended up face first on that treadmill. I lost my footing and was going down FAST.
Now, the death machine I am running on has handles, THANK GOD. I reach up to grab them to support myself. When my hands made contact, my feet slung out and snapped back hard. I looked for an escape route, as my feet dangled above the speeding rubber death trap. I think, Ryan is standing to my right so shoot left, LEFT!!! Imagining the image of me landing on top of Ryan, oh god!
It happened so fast I don’t know how the hell it worked its way out, but I landed it perfectly, like a gold metal gymnast. Right next to the treadmill. I reach up and turn the speeding machine off quickly.
Ryan is wide-eye and says “that was impressive”… thinking I was showing off. I said with a cheeky smile, “You know it”, still trying to figure out how the fuck am I standing. I should be picking my face off that machine. Shocked at how I manged to pull that off, I explained to Ryan I didn’t have time to talk . I was in a hurry but would catch up with him on Wednesday.
I ran to the locker room and sat down thinking, OMG… I need to go buy a damn lotto ticket.
All of a sudden some of the ladies I attend a cycle class with came into the locker room and cackled like hens about what a show off I was… Doing tricks off the treadmill…
I laughed with them and have yet to tell them, I was close to death on that move! I’m lucky to still have skin on my face!
I got dressed and drove straight to the grocery store and bought $20 in $1 mega millions lotto tickets! I may not have a date with Ryan, but i still have my Face!! BONUS!
I’m BHines and I approve this message! And also give u a related video to watch! ENJOY
Popularity: 86% [?]
OMG AMAZING!
// January 29th, 2010 // 4 Comments » // Uncategorized
If only I could be more graceful for this kind of stuff…. If u have ever seen the movie True Lies? That is me in that movie! haha
Popularity: 99% [?]
